01.17.09
Taste Nirvana Cappuccino
[Editor’s Note: Once again, My Favorite Guinea Pig takes on the coffee here at the JSFR.]
This is an interesting bottle; nicely shaped for a comfortable grip. The shrink-wrap pops off the top with a satisfying crispness, and the faint ‘thoonk’ of the lid as the cap is twisted off is a quiet melody that sings of freshness. Once you’ve opened the bottle you should pause and reflect on how nice that was. Because from here onwards everything else is a sad, sad disappointment.
There’s something wrong about this drink. Observe the label on the front advertising “With Luscious Steamed Milk.” Notice how it is flatly contradicted by actual ingredients on the back (Non-dairy creamer and “full cream” milk powder). Hold it up to your nose and breathe in the faintly bitter chemical smell of the beverage. Take a sip and experience the syrupy texture and the clinging faux-dairy aftertaste.
This is not happiness in a bottle. Unless by “happiness” you mean “lots and lots of sugar”. Ingredient number two is “Natural Cane Sugar”, and the top ingredient on the non-dairy creamer is “Corn Syrup Solids”.
It does have actual coffee in it, somewhere. The taste is mostly hidden by the overwhelming sugary fake milk patina, but it’s in there. It says it contains 100% Pure Arabica beans, but they’ve already lied about the milk. For all I know it might contain garbanzo beans.
If you want, for some reason, to experience this drink without having to get a bottle of it yourself, try this: take a bowl of really sugary cereal. Pour non-dairy creamer over it and let it soak for a few minutes. Pour the creamer back out of the bowl and into a coffee cup. Add a couple teaspoons of brewed coffee. Stir and drink.
Ta-dah. Taste Nirvana. I’ve taken three sips to try to figure out exactly how to describe this drink for you, and I’m not eager to take another.
I’ve thought this over for a bit, trying to decide if this is better or worse than the nadir of coffee drinks (Mr. Brown), and I’d have to say that it’s just as bad, but in a different way. I’m giving it the same
Score of 1.5 wasabi peas out of a possible 5 wasabi peas.
kris said,
September 18, 2009 at 4:38 am
Hi wasbi peas,
I very sorry that you are displeased with our product. That was a old formula that we came out with and since corrected. When you get a chance pick up our natural thai coffee drink and see what you think of it. I you cant find it shoot me a email and Ill send you one.
Boo said,
September 18, 2009 at 5:35 am
Hello Kris! I have to say, I was a bit surprised that Taste Nirvana found the Review and even more surprised that you took the time to comment. Thank you! It certainly is worth a shot to try a newly formulated Thai Coffee to see how it’s changed. I expect I won’t be seeing the new product for a bit (we’re slow here in the flyover states) but I will keep an eye out and pick it up for rereview when it hits the stores.