![](\"https:\/\/quirkspace.com\/jsfr\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/09\/tastenirvanacappuccino.jpg\")
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\n[Editor’s Note: Once again, My Favorite Guinea Pig takes on the coffee here at the JSFR.]<\/i><\/p>\n
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\n[Editor’s Note: Once again, My Favorite Guinea Pig takes on the coffee here at the JSFR.]<\/i><\/p>\n
This is an interesting bottle; nicely shaped for a comfortable grip. The shrink-wrap pops off the top with a satisfying crispness, and the faint ‘thoonk’ of the lid as the cap is twisted off is a quiet melody that sings of freshness. Once you’ve opened the bottle you should pause and reflect on how nice that was. Because from here onwards everything else is a sad, sad disappointment.<\/p>\n
There’s something wrong about this drink. Observe the label on the front advertising “With Luscious Steamed Milk.” Notice how it is flatly contradicted by actual ingredients on the back (Non-dairy creamer and “full cream” milk powder). Hold it up to your nose and breathe in the faintly bitter chemical smell of the beverage. Take a sip and experience the syrupy texture and the clinging faux-dairy aftertaste.<\/p>\n
This is not happiness in a bottle. Unless by “happiness” you mean “lots and lots of sugar”. Ingredient number two is “Natural Cane Sugar”, and the top ingredient on the non-dairy creamer is “Corn Syrup Solids”.<\/p>\n
It does have actual coffee in it, somewhere. The taste is mostly hidden by the overwhelming sugary fake milk patina, but it’s in there. It says it contains 100% Pure Arabica beans, but they’ve already lied about the milk. For all I know it might contain garbanzo beans.<\/p>\n
If you want, for some reason, to experience this drink without having to get a bottle of it yourself, try this: take a bowl of really sugary cereal. Pour non-dairy creamer over it and let it soak for a few minutes. Pour the creamer back out<\/i> of the bowl and into a coffee cup. Add a couple teaspoons of brewed coffee. Stir and drink.<\/p>\n
Ta-dah. Taste Nirvana. I’ve taken three sips to try to figure out exactly how to describe this drink for you, and I’m not eager to take another.<\/p>\n
I’ve thought this over for a bit, trying to decide if this is better or worse than the nadir of coffee drinks (Mr. Brown), and I’d have to say that it’s just as bad, but in a different way. I’m giving it the same<\/p>\n