I don’t consider myself an evil person. It’s not that I wish harm on people who drive SUVs. I just enjoy laughing at them when harm happens. Provided it is just minor harm, of course.
Like today, for example. It’s after work, I’m getting the bug out of the parking ramp where my Wife parked this morning, and right in front of me is one of those supersized Ford things. I can’t remember which kind it was. Just the overly long one. They all start with Ex anyway, so for the sake of argument let’s just call this one a Ford Expectoration or something.
So this Expectoration has managed to negotiate the parking ramp down to the exit, where you have to do this little ‘s’ curve to the right, then left again to get out. Unfortunately, the SUV can’t turn tightly enough to make the maneuver. And the driver is ultra cautious of their chrome monstrosity, so they start inching it back and forth, trying to slice the curve into manageable chunks.
There they are, cranking away at the wheel and sawing away at the gearshift, arcing back and forth, when they back up a foot or two too far and smack into one of those bright yellow metal poles that they install in parking ramps to dent up cars. The driver looks back in a panic, overguns the engine going forward and smacks into another one in front. Then they start repeating the slow shuffle, trying to line up to get out of the garage.
Meanwhile, I’m behind them, laughing like a maniac, when I realize that I should be incredibly annoyed. After all, they’re making me late for picking up my Wife! And it’s her birthday! I suppose it was a just punishment for enjoying watching their distress.