08.14.05
Grape Marshmallow
[Editor’s note: It’s radio TheMan this weekend, mostly because I asked him to be. Enjoi!]
Grape Marshmallow
I want you to take a look at those two words. There’s nothing inherently bad about either one of them. Grapes are good. I like grapes. Marshmallows are generally good. I like most marshmallows. Taking the two words and jamming them together though… That’s got potential for serious badness.
Fortunately, the snack fails to live down to that potential. The marshmallow tastes like ordinary marshmallow. It’s neither the tasteless fluff from a moon pie, nor the bizarrely dense faux banana foam of a circus peanut. It’s an ordinary soft marshmallow of the type that could happily be toasted and crushed into a s’more. Not that I’d recommend it. There’s a hidden surprise in the center of this marshmallow that might make such an attempt quite dangerous.
The outer package itself gives some warning. Take a look in the corner, where the little white disc is bleeding purple goo. That’s grape jelly. I’d bet if you were to toast one of these marshmallows, that grape jelly would melt into a fluid reminiscent of the pockets of scalding-hot sauce found under the cheese on an otherwise harmless pizza. Squeezing a marshmallow full of this stuff between a chunk of chocolate and a graham cracker could cause a rupture. And there’s nothing that’ll end a campfire cookout faster than a superheated jet of grape jelly in someone’s eye.
But I digress.
The two flavors of the snack are quite good. The marshmallow, as I said, is nicely marshmallowy. The grape jelly is a tasty, natural grape, with only a tiny hint of artificial flavor. The two flavors work quite well together, and I’ve got no complaints there.
What bugs me is the texture.
I’m a big fan of food texture. There are some things I just plain won’t eat, not because I don’t like the taste, but because I find the texture revolting. Raw tomatoes for example. Or canned mushrooms. Both have a sort of softness and slimyness that I just plain don’t like. And, unfortunately, the grape marshmallows have a certain texture that detracts from the flavor. I don’t know if it’s the soft outside followed by the slippery jelly inside, or if it’s the faint resistance of the outer marshmallow skin before it gives way to the teeth. But because of that, I’m going to have to dock points from the score, giving grape marshmallow a final rating of
Rating
of 3 Wasabi Peas out of a possible 5.
